New Words for 2010

* TESTICULATING.
Waving your arms around and talking bollocks.

* BLAMESTORMING.
Sitting round in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed and who was responsible.

* SEAGULL MANAGER.
A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything and then leaves.

* SALMON DAY.
The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die.

* CUBE FARM.
An office filled with cubicles.

* PRAIRIE DOGGING..
When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on. (This also applies to applause for a promotion because there may be cake.)

* SALAD DODGER.
An excellent phrase for an overweight person.

* SWAMP DONKEY.
A deeply unattractive person..

* AEROPLANE BLONDE.
One who has bleached/dyed her hair but still has a 'black box'.

* PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE.
The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

* OH-NO SECOND.
That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake. (e.g. You've hit 'reply all').

* GREYHOUND.
A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.


* MILLENNIUM DOMES.
The contents of a Wonderbra, i.e. extremely impressive when viewed from the outside but there's actually naught in there worth seeing.

* MONKEY BATH .
A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go: 'Oo! Oo! Oo! Aa! Aa! Aa!'.

* MYSTERY BUS.
The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're in the toilet after your 10th pint and whisks away all the unattractive people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.

* TART FUEL.
Bottled premixed spirits, regularly consumed by young women.

* TRAMP STAMP.
Tattoo on a female.

* PICASSO BUM.
A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks like she's got 4 buttocks.

Die Hard??? Not even close

I laughed so hard when I read this (Rudy, this one is for you :D )

Japan vs RSA Speed Tests, and my PC can go back in time

Someone was kind and cruel enough to inform me of the kind of speeds you can get when living in Japan..
(For n00bies out there: This indicates how quickly you can watch a vid on youtube or the delay you will experience while playing games online etc)

First the South African test :

This might seem fast, but in comparison to the rest of the world it is as fast as taking a Volkswagen Beetle through the Jungles of the amazon, while towing a Boeing 747!

The Japan Test

Depressing I know... 90Mb/s, 6ms >< This, compared to our VW Beetle (who is probably still struggling to start up)  is like a Fighter Jet with infinite amount of rocket-thrust available!

An in other news : My Computer can go back in time..
After getting the Tokyo results, I decided to test our local work network.
It seems my computer can go back in time, as I received a ping of -30ms..

Yip.. You heard me.. -30ms!! I'm a time traveler! Watch you bookies! 

All your cash are belong to me!

Microsoft Rick Rolled WiFi abusers

Last year during Microsoft's TechEd conference microsoft's tech guys picked up that a couple of users were killing their WiFi network by using it to download massive torrents.

This of course is just not on, and so Microsoft decided to do something which is only worthy of being called "brilliant"..

The network administrators at the event quickly built a list of all of the top torrent trackers around and got the nod to add them all to the local DNS resolver and point them at a local web server containing some RickRoll scripts.

According to the admin:

It killed me that I didn't see anyone getting done by this first hand, but there were hundreds of impressions in the server logs containing the the Rick Roll scripts so I did get a fair amount of satisfaction at least. It was the most evil of evil Rick Roll scripts too — worse than any that anyone has used to get me in the past. 

Fun and games aside, it looks like the leechers will force quotas and traffic shaping for the first time in the event's history.

For those of you who don't know what Rick Rolling is, check out the following links :

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rickrolling
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=rickroll

Goal from a 100 yards!

What does Beckham, Alonso and that cheeky defender from some bottom-of-the-table-club all have in common?

Well for you non-soccer fundi's, it is that they have all scored goals from their own halves (which is an amazing feat mind you).

Well Mohammed Mosad from Al-Ahli Jeddah decided to take the crown from Alonso's head when decided to  score a goal from about 100yards out against Hajer.

Check out this crazy bit of skill :

Don't queue for your car registration

Sick and tired of the crazy lines when you need to re-register your car?

Do the following :

Phone 0214004900.

Press 1 for English
Press 2 for car registration

Tell the friendly lady you want to pay your car registration and she will give you a 9 digit reference

Pay via EFT

and they post it to you!

Brain Teaser for a Monday morning

Here is a little brain teaser/
Nothing to serious today..
Don't want you to over stress those relaxed brain cells

2 + 3 = 10

7 + 2 = 63

6 + 5 = 66

8 + 4 = 96

Then …

9 + 7 = ?

Enjoy

A letter to President Zuma

This has been take from the Cope 2014 Facebook group

Editor Note : In this letter, the author refers to the Bill Clinton vs Monica Lewinsky saga, stating that Bill Clinton stepped down from office after the truth finally came out. He uses this as one of his reasons why Zuma should step down from office..

Reality : Bill Clinton never resigned and completed his two term presidency (the longest a U.S. president can serve).

Thanks for the heads up Doug.

Further more.. The Wolfowitz resigned not because of sexual allegations, but because
he broke ethics rules in awarding a substantial raise to his girlfriend.

The more I deconstruct this argument the more it falls apart.

Dear Mr President Jacob Zuma

After having read the front page story of the Sunday Times (31/01/2010), I feel compelled to write to you as this ordinary citizen that I am. Because I am a commoner, my judgement of your actions could be regarded as disrespect. Equally you might be indulging in all these sordid acts because you feel that you cannot be questioned and brought to book.

As a young man I have an interest in the way in which those in power are behaving, so as to ensure that we have good, moral and ethical leaders to look upon. A public figure who does not inspire confidence or does not conduct themselves in a manner that seek to inspire development of society, should be eliminated from the limelight and sent into the deepest of corners so that their misleading acts are shunned. To me you happen to be such an individual.

In your address during your inauguration and also in your first State of the Nation address, you emphasised greatly on moral regeneration. The reason why religion has seemingly failed to produce members that embody the values taught in religious institutions is because the preachers themselves are failing to be upright leaders who live out what they preach. You are such a preacher to me.

Given your past record that displays you as a man who is easily tempted by indulging in sexual intercourse, it is very difficult for me to throw water over the claims made by the Sunday Times. To me it is irrelevant that the person you impregnated is the daughter of Dr Irvin “The Iron Duke” Khoza, I would still feel the same way even if it was just yet another woman. If this baby was born under normal circumstances, it means that you must have slept with this lady around January 2009. During the same time you had already paid Lobola for Thobeka Madiba-Zuma and you were planning your wedding day with her. At the same time you were already having the pleasure of being attended to by two wives. I suppose given that you were busy campaigning for the 2009 General Elections, the challenges that you faced couldn’t be accommodated by your wives, you needed to find solace and release your masculine energy on another woman outside wedlock.

What nauseates me the most is the fact that this lady got pregnant, meaning you had unprotected sex yet again. To me it is clear that you have unprotected sex with your wives, because you do it so easily with “omakhwapheni”. It means you are a risk to your wives, because you seem to be fishing for HIV, so that you can take the catch home and distribute it evenly amongst them. Unless there is preventive medication for HIV that you have and we the ordinary people do not have access to.

The Zulu Kingdom should be ashamed at how you have paraded their culture of polygamy, a culture that is in fact to me very demeaning of women. To me it symbolises true qualities of chauvinism and patriarchy, whereby if a man is not satisfied with one woman, then they can go get another. Meanwhile society would vilify a woman who would take a second man. Polygamy also promotes cheating on your wife, because you must first know the second wife, well in your case sixth, intimately on stolen moments away from your wife. So during that time you are lying to your wife or wives claiming to be seeing no one besides them and even to God, whom you made such a pact with when getting married.

Polygamy reduces women to objects that are used to just satisfy the egos of many men out there, who see having many women as a sense of superiority and achievement. To me this is a very small minded sense of thinking.

I cannot have you preach morality to me when you partake in such disgusting acts that make me feel if only I was not a South African. When a sex scandal broke off about Mr Bill Clinton, he had to step down as President of the USA. The President of the World Bank stepped down after such allegations were tabled against him. However to you it is just yet another day another dollar and nothing will happen, because you are hiding behind tradition and using it to camouflage your helpless sexuality.

You are a man who does not respect women clearly, a man who does not believe in treating your wives with the best respect they deserve. I doubt maKhumalo is happily married to you, but she is probably fearful of what shall become of her if she were to leave you. It is unfortunate that the majority of the people in your organisation find your acts acceptable; it goes to show how the morals of the ANC have become fragmented over the years.

You occupy the highest seat in our land and many people will find a way of using your acts to justify their mistakes and atrocious behaviours which resemble yours. You are not a beacon of hope to me, but rather that one of disaster.

It is impossible that you could raise all your 20 children, so it means that you promote unstructured families whereby kids grow up with single parents. You promote and justify cheating. You promote for society to discredit the three pillars of fighting HIV, because you do not Abstain, you do not get to Be Faithful, you do not Condomize.

What are you good for? Absolutely nothing. You are shaming our country and making it seem as if we are unable to be led by principled leaders.

You are a health risk to your wives, you are a financial risk to the taxpayers who must pay for your opulence and you still pledge your support to communists.

I ask of you to step down as President, before you turn South Africa into a quagmire that resembles your sexual life and its animalistic behaviours.

Written by: Lukhona Mnguni
COPE and COPESM member, in his personal capacity
killpovertysa@yahoo.com

I think he hits the nail on the head..
Good job Mr Mnguni, good job indeed.
*Edit... Not such a great job after all :( In fact I'm busy writing you an email!

Info on the Wolfowitz case

Bill Clinton info and info on Impeachment

Android takes hard shots at Apple!

Just seen some of the funniest Anit-apple pro Android commercials!

Basically, Andriod is pointing out that Apple sucks when it comes to anything vaguely to do with Open Source and Speed..

Favourite line from the two clips below : "Race horse ducked taped to a scud missle fast!"

Speed vs Nooby beauty queen

IDon't

Hitler wants an iPad.. NOW!!

A good rofl, for a tuesday morning..
FYI.. Does contain some language (all subtitled)

1 in 3 people are fags!! - ROFL

Just had to share this with you guys (sorry if it offends anyone, but it is bladdy classic!)

Love the expressions on their faces!

No more milk in tea? Dammit! Curse those caseins

For those of us who love to drink rooi-bos (or even normal tea) and know it to be much healthier (and far more superior) than coffee, will be shocked to know that if you take this shot of anti-heart attack drink with milk you are completely nulling out all effects the anti-oxidants should have on fighting off all those horrible things that make your ticker stop.

Without boring you with all the scientific stuff, tea has something in it called "catechin". Now catechin helps prevent (emphasis on prevent) effects against heart diseases. Unfortunately our calcium dosage of white flavour has decided that this just isn't good enough and dilutes the concentration of catechin due to a little punk called caseins (which is found in milk).

So, what does this all mean?
It means that if you have no issues with dying from a heart attack, keeping drinking tea with milk.
If on the other hand you want to add +10 to heart attack defense, stop adding milk! It's killing you! Well it's making it easier for the reaper to kill you. (It's like running around naked with PvP on, outside ICC )

FYI : Supposedly this doesn't happen when you drink coffee. But who wants to drink coffee anyways??

Dungbeetle in a domestic dispute

For those of you who need a bit of a kick start to your Tuesday morning..

(FYI : Miskruier == dungbeetle)

Little itty bitty kitty fails :(

I must say, I find this very very funny and cute.

Does that mean P.E.T.A is going to come kick my door down?

Look mom! The clowns are in town.. O wait, that is just an ANC official

I don't know if you have heard about the new clothing line up the ANC are trying to force upon the public or not, but it is the most hideous clothing you will ever lay your eyes upon outside of a Boswell Circus(and at least the clowns make it look good).

Without any further delay, I give you the summer clown collection of 2010, suitable for any occasion when you feel the need to screw over your own country, or local municipality.

If the clothing doesn't put you off, the price sure as hell will..These guys are no-jokers.. or are they?
You can never tell with the ANC anyways..

The good news is that each purchase comes with a complementary Red Nose for those moments you just have to show everyone that you are not clowning about!. Perfect for parliament!

Boswell Clown showing the ANC how to do it right!

Dell Laptop Giveaway Facebook is a SCAM!

I get this email today telling me how I just need to join some awesome facebook group and I'll receive a FREE dell laptop!

Now I don't know about you, but a free Dell laptop just sounds WAY to good to be true, and so I decide to do some research into this nonsense!

First, may I point out to you the description of this facebook group.

Notice how he mentions that he works for an online company but doesn't give any hint to the companies name..

Now seriously people, if you worked for a company that decide to give away a truck load of dell laptops would you not use this opportunity to advertise your company as much as possible! I mean, you are an online company after all!

So.. no mention of companies name.. 1st warning flag.

Secondly, notice how they give you this list of instructions on how to enter.. It even requires you to copy javascript into your browser bar!!  >< seriously people, how stupid are you?!

Asking user to copy javascript into browser tab.. 2nd warning flag (and run like hell)

Thirdly, once you actually join the group (which I didn't) notice how they then ask you to click on some random link that takes you to a page that looks like something straight out of a Nigerian 411 phishing book!


Again, notice the lack of Company branding, or any form of professional web-design!
You would expect a company that is giving away 1000's of laptops to at least have enough cash to make their competition page look semi-attractive!

Right, now a word to the 27,234 members who have already joined, and who are sending me emails to join!
YOU... HAVE... BEEN....SCAMMED!! PLUS! Dell SUCKS!><


If you really thought you were going to get a laptop that easily then I really do feel for you and your one tiny brain-cell..

Right...
Rant over..
Time to work!

A scuba-divers delight, and a natural phenomena

In Cenote Angelita - Mexico there is a cave in which you can find under water rivers.

What makes these rivers so interesting is that at 30meters depth the water is fresh water, but at 60 meters the water becomes salt water.

At 60 meters you will see hydrogen sulfide layer that looks like a river giving you the feel of a "river flowing inside a river", especially once you start combining this river of H2S with trees and foliage.

Hydrogen sulfide, is a coulourless gas, toxic, flammable and smells like rotten eggs. These gases can arise from biological activity when bacteria break down organic material in a state without oxygen (anaerobic activity), Such as in the swamp, the sea and sewage. Gas was also featured on the gas arising from volcanic activity as natural gas.

Enough science talk! Check out these photo's

You have grown strong... EGG?

Really had a hard ROFL at this video clip...
Enjoy :D
And yes.. we have all done this! ....... O don't say you haven't! We all know you have!


In other news.
Dale Steyn and Morne Morkel completed destroyed England's batting line up to get them all out for 180 in 45 overs! Steyn picked up 5 wickets.

.50 Caliber bullet + rock = Backfire of Doom!

I doubt this guy ever thought this would happen to him in a million years!



Luckily for him, all he got was a clip on the earmuff.

Hundreds stand in protest of global warming

Hundreds stand in protest of global warming!


Picture below depicts hundreds protesting against global warning as they not only fear for the environment, but all for their lives!

Murder of Crows do a server and Realm first!

Big up to the 10man team that nailed Festergut on Wednesday night.
They achieved a Server and Region first with a world rank of 132!

This is by far the best achievement to date (but definitely not the last)

Congrats to all involved!

-Ultra